From the Day One I became a Christian, I searched for ways how to serve God. How He would have willed, not as I thought. And God wanted the same. And somehow we didn’t get on the same frequency. I believe He, therefore, spoke to me many times through dreams and visions and in images that transcended the limits of my intellectual understanding and became time capsules that revealed their meaning at the right time, some only many years later.
One such open vision was given to me about 20 years ago when I graduated and I was looking for God to give me some direction for my life.
JOB INTERVIEW
I found myself in an office at the top of a high-rise of an international company. The view gave the impression that I was in one of the world's capitals. In the middle of the big oval-shaped space reigned a large table made of bird maple. There sat a man reviewing papers, perhaps a little over 30 years old, he was the director and owner of a large business. Despite being young, he seemed to be seasoned in international business waters and seemed to be a man of moral integrity.
A young man entered his office, threw himself at his feet, and all in tears began to persuade him to give him a job. He said he would do all the lowest work without pay, that he could be a cleaner, and that he would consider it a great honor. I saw the director break completely in his heart, I heard all his thoughts and felt the agony of his soul in which he found himself. He replied cautiously, "I don't have the heart to hire you. If I did, I would deny myself and go against all my principles."
The young man did not heed his words, he continued to cry and beg. I stood next to him and wondered how none of them would notice me watching them. The man at the table stood up and continued: “You have a doctorate in the pocket of one of the most prestigious universities in the field of economics, you are considered the best for one of the most sought after jobs on this planet and you expect me to overlook all this and take you as a cleaner. I would be happy to offer you the best job. But for what you want to do, I just don't have the heart to take you. ” The young man left the office. I was completely shocked that he didn’t accept the offer.
I found myself in my room again. Then I heard the voice of God: “I too do not have the heart to answer your requests for service. To me, you represent the most sought-after workforce in the universe. ” It became clear to me what He was talking about, but I still wasn’t able to see myself the way God was looking at me. Years passed and the vision almost went into oblivion,… and there were always people who were happy to offer me the position of the “cleaner”, which I considered the greatest possible honor. Until recently, … when things went as wrong as they could go at all.
THE VISION OF KINGS
It was time. During the quarantine period, many pressures eased and Nenad (my husband) and I had more freedom to think about our walk with God. One afternoon, as we were in prayer, a cloud of God’s glory suddenly descended.
In the vision, I found myself in a landscape reminiscent of the Chronicles of Narnia. It felt like I was entering a multidimensional Hollywood project filmed with some new technology we don’t know yet. From the background, I heard the voice of Jesus saying to me, "Now I have begun to write the Chronicles that have your name on."
I smelled pine trees and looked around. I was in a pine grove on the plain, behind me I saw a huge rocky cliff. Surprised, I noticed that I was dressed in a donkey costume with a hood and very long donkey ears. Although the costume was beautifully made and made of the best plush, the realization that someone had put it on me made me extremely sad. Behind me, I saw a two-wheeled cart with a carriage. My pastor and his wife were sitting on it. In the afternoons, they liked to drive through the beautiful pine forest. The team in the wagon was me - alone. I drove them up and down the plain and inside my soul, I was getting sadder and sadder as I couldn’t comprehend how it was possible that I had agreed to such humiliating treatment. At one point, as we stopped for a moment under a mighty rock, I tore myself out of the harness and fled.
I climbed the steep cliffs and stopped at the overhanging edge. I didn’t see any way forward, nor did I want to go back because I was scared. The pastor and his wife were sitting on the wagon waiting for me to come back as they thought I had no other choice. They seemed to be having fun and that they weren't really worried.
Several hours passed and the sun began to tend to rest. The situation seemed quite hopeless. I was wondering what to do and all of a sudden I noticed a narrow passage in the rock, which I can say was not there before. I went ahead and found myself on a meadow. I heard voices and wondered how I hadn’t heard them before. I saw that I was just a step away from an old-fashioned military camp the whole time.
I came to the camp and found myself in front of Jesus. Many times He revealed himself to me in dreams and visions, but as the commander of the heavenly army, I did not know him. The army around Him was some of the most glorious I’ve ever seen - and they were people, not angels! I wouldn’t think there are people walking our earth today who carry more glory than the angels. All the soldiers were kings of carved faces on which the experiences of struggle, glory, and wisdom were depicted.
They looked at me but said nothing. As if they knew what was going on with me and I felt that they were compassionate, regardless of their high position. They looked towards Jesus as if waiting for what He would say. But He didn't say anything. He pretended not to see me and I thought it was a good thing. It didn’t seem right to me, to appear before the king in a donkey costume. At that moment, I realized one more thing. The very nature of a slave was deeply ingrained in my soul and it was a much greater shame than the costume that others have put on me. I was struck by the realization that with such a slavish nature, I would never be able to serve Jesus because it was not worthy of Him. In tears, I asked Him to free me of this nature and said that I would no longer go back to the old way of life of being a slave to people’s perception of me.
Jesus still said nothing and the kings were still silent. I decided to go for this army, even if I had to follow them alone from somewhere in the background for the rest of my life. In fact, I was greatly relieved to learn that even if I had not been accepted, I had I been referred and sent away either.
The vision was over. The cloud of glory that filled the living room lifted, and my husband and I looked at each other, saying: ”What was that?" I told him about the vision, which comforted me in a way, but not really. My feelings were very mixed. For the next 21 days, we struggled within ourselves because everything within us was saying, about everything being okay and that there was really nothing wrong with the church and that we were in some kind of deception of our own. But the vision of the donkey spoke louder. We finally made the decision not to go back, no matter what. We wrote a short letter to church leaders that we are leaving the local church for personal reasons. Instead of releasing us in peace, they immediately informed all members of the church of our rebellion and told them that we resisted their teachings of the faith. In the spirit, we saw wolves scurrying to the church. People were completely shocked, frightened and immediately cut off all contact with us. Long-term friendships suddenly meant nothing. My life as I knew it was gone in a moment.
That day Jesus visited me again. I was again in the spirit and I saw myself sitting on a small round stone, dirty and weary from the battle, wearing the full armor of God and knowing that I will never take it off because now it was a part of my being. A thought arose in my heart, what if that armor will change my character and I will not have a tender heart anymore? Sometimes are the wounds that make you human … as I was thinking about this, Jesus snuck up behind me and told me why He was silent on the mountain that day and why His kings looked at me so sympathetically. He told me, “It was your army, not mine. They were waiting for you and I was keeping them company.”
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I finally found my tribe.